Flower Meanings for a Grave: What Each Flower and Color Says

Flowers have carried meanings for as long as people have placed them on graves, and while nobody is obliged to follow the old language, many families find it helps to choose. Here is what each of the common grave flowers has traditionally said, and what the colors add.

By flower

Roses

Love, above all. The rose is the most-placed flower at graves for the simple reason that it says the one thing most people want to say. Red for deep, enduring love; white for reverence, innocence and remembrance; pink for gratitude and grace; yellow for friendship and the love between parent and child. A single rose left at a stone is a complete message on its own.

Lilies

Peace, and the soul restored to innocence. The white lily is the classic funeral and sympathy flower across Christian traditions, and the Easter lily specifically stands for resurrection. Lilies suit a death anniversary, a first visit, and any grave where the message is rest.

Carnations

Remembrance and admiration. Red carnations for love, white for pure love and good luck, pink for a mother's undying love (they are the traditional Mother's Day flower for exactly that reason). Carnations also last unusually long, fresh or silk.

Chrysanthemums

In much of Europe and Asia the chrysanthemum is the flower of the dead, placed on graves for All Saints' Day and the autumn festivals of remembrance. In the United States it is the fall flower, and a potted or silk mum in October carries both meanings at once.

Hydrangeas

Heartfelt emotion, gratitude for being understood. Their size makes an arrangement look full and generous from a distance, which is why they are so often chosen for mothers and grandmothers.

Sunflowers

Adoration, loyalty and a life lived facing the light. The most-chosen flower for fathers and for anyone who loved the outdoors. Sunflowers also read as joyful rather than mournful, which some families specifically want.

Peonies

Honor, a happy life and a happy marriage. Often chosen for a spouse, or for a mother whose garden had them.

Forget-me-nots

The name is the meaning. Small, blue, and often worked into an arrangement as an accent rather than the main flower.

Poppies

Remembrance of the war dead, since the First World War. A few red poppies in a Memorial Day or Veterans Day arrangement honor service specifically.

Evergreens

Eternal life. Pine, cedar and holly in a winter arrangement or wreath say that something endures through the dead season.

By color

• White: reverence, peace, remembrance. The safest and most formal choice.
• Red: love and courage. The color of a spouse's or parent's flowers.
• Pink: gratitude, grace, a mother's love.
• Yellow: friendship, warmth, the bond between parent and child.
• Purple: dignity, respect, admiration. Traditional for grandparents and for anyone held in high regard.
• Blue: peace, calm, trust. Rare in nature, so it stands out at a grave.
• Red, white and blue together: service to the country.

When meaning is the wrong guide

All of the above gives way to one thing: the flower the person actually loved. A grandmother who grew dahlias should have dahlias, whatever the dictionaries say. Meaning is for the times you do not know, or want to add something to what you do.