Lilies on a Grave: Meaning, How Long They Last, and What to Know First

The white lily has been a flower of mourning for a very long time. Victorian families placed lilies at the wake and on the grave, and many people still think of them first when they think of funeral flowers. Here is what they mean and what to know before you bring them to a grave.

What lilies mean

In the Victorian language of flowers, lilies at a funeral stood for the soul's innocence restored at death. Today the white lily is still read as peace, purity and remembrance. Calla lilies are often chosen for their clean, simple shape, and stargazer lilies for their color and scent.

How long fresh lilies last

In a vase indoors, with fresh water, cut lilies often last around ten days to two weeks, opening a few buds at a time. At a grave it is a different story. Sun, wind and heat shorten their life considerably, especially in summer, and most cemeteries clear fresh flowers once they fade.

Two things to know first

• Lilies are dangerous to cats. The ASPCA lists true lilies as toxic to cats, causing kidney failure, and veterinary schools warn that daylilies are too. Even pollen or vase water can be enough. If you take lilies home from a service, keep them away from cats.
• Pollen stains. Lily pollen marks fabric and stone. Florists often pinch off the pollen-bearing anthers as the flowers open. Keep lilies off a light headstone if the pollen could fall on it.

Bringing lilies to a grave

• Check the cemetery's rules. Some allow fresh flowers all year but limit artificial ones to certain months.
• Use the grave's vase if it has one, with water, and keep stems short against the wind.
• For a longer-lasting white tribute, choose silk: no pollen, no wilting, and safe for anyone's pets.

For other flowers and what they say, see flower meanings for a grave.