Memorial Day Flowers for a Grave: Traditions, Flags and What Cemeteries Allow

Memorial Day began as Decoration Day, a day set aside after the Civil War for decorating the graves of the war dead with flowers. The name changed; the tradition did not. On the last Monday of May, cemeteries across the country fill with flags and red, white and blue, and families who cannot make the trip send flowers so the grave is not bare.

What is placed at a grave on Memorial Day

• A small American flag. At national cemeteries volunteers place one at every grave the weekend before. At private and municipal cemeteries families bring their own. A standard grave flag is the small stick flag, placed just in front of the headstone.
• Red, white and blue flowers. Red roses or carnations, white lilies or daisies, blue hydrangeas or delphinium. Silk versions hold their color through the summer that follows.
• A wreath. Evergreen or floral wreaths on an easel are common at veterans' graves and at family plots with several markers.
• Poppies. The red poppy has been the flower of remembrance for the war dead since the First World War. A few in an arrangement is a quiet nod to the day.

Memorial Day at a national cemetery

Veterans Affairs national cemeteries allow fresh-cut flowers all year. Artificial flowers and potted plants are ordinarily restricted, but most national cemeteries open a window around Memorial Day, typically the ten days before and after, when silk arrangements are welcome. Flags are placed by the cemetery and its volunteers and are collected after the holiday. Anything permanent, and anything made of glass, stays prohibited. Each cemetery posts its own dates, and our guide to flowers at a veteran's grave covers the policy in detail.

Memorial Day at a private or church cemetery

Most private and municipal cemeteries treat Memorial Day as a decoration holiday: decorations are allowed in the run-up and cleared on a posted date afterwards, often within two weeks. Some keep a "no artificial flowers in summer" rule that starts once the holiday decorations are cleared. If the grave has a built-in vase, use it; it is the one place every cemetery allows flowers.

When to have flowers delivered

Have flowers placed the week before the holiday, ideally by the Thursday or Friday. The three-day weekend brings visiting family, and cemeteries hold ceremonies on Monday morning that make the grounds crowded. Flowers placed in advance are there for all of it. Order by early May to be sure of the date.

A note for families of veterans buried far away

Many veterans are buried in a national cemetery hours from where their children now live. Memorial Day is the day that distance is felt most. A delivery that weekend, with a photo of the flowers beside the flag, is often the first time a family has seen the grave in years. It is also a good moment to check the grave's exact location on the cemetery's own grave locator, which national cemeteries publish online.