Valentine's Day Flowers for a Grave: Roses for a Spouse Who Is Gone

Every florist window in February is full of red roses, and every one of them is a reminder to someone who has lost a spouse. Valentine's Day is not a cemetery holiday in the way Memorial Day is, but for widows and widowers it may be the most personal date of the year, and the grave is where many of them spend it.

What to place

• Red roses. There is no substitute and no need for one. A dozen red silk roses in a vase, or a rose saddle across the stone, says exactly what it always said.
• The wedding flowers. Some spouses recreate the bouquet from the wedding, in silk, every February. It is one of the most moving things Runners see.
• Red and white together. Love and remembrance in one arrangement, for a spouse who wants both said.
• A single rose. Left against the stone, for the spouse who visits in person and wants something to carry in.

Why silk in February

Fresh roses left at a grave in February freeze the first night in most of the country and are black by morning. A silk rose arrangement placed the week of Valentine's Day is still red at Easter. February is also inside the winter window when national cemeteries allow artificial flowers, so a silk arrangement is welcome at a veteran spouse's grave too.

For the children of a widowed parent

This is the part families often miss. A parent who has lost their spouse will usually not mention Valentine's Day, and will usually spend it thinking about the grave. Having flowers placed there, and sending the photo to Mom or Dad with a note, tells them their children understood the date. It is a small thing that is remembered for years.

If the parent is able to visit, flowers already placed mean they arrive to a grave that is not bare. If they are not able to visit, the photo is the visit.

Timing

Have the flowers in place by February 12 or 13. Valentine's Day itself is not busy at cemeteries, but a spouse who visits will often go on the day, and the flowers should be waiting. Winter weather makes delivery dates less predictable in the northern states, so ordering in late January gives room.

Beyond the one day

Valentine's Day, the wedding anniversary and the spouse's birthday are the three dates a widow or widower carries through the year. An annual plan built around those three, with a holiday arrangement for December, is how many families make sure none of them passes unmarked, whoever remembers and whoever forgets.